Better Already
by Practical Cannibalism
Summary: Kanda's feeling emo and goes swimming with Tyki who only wants to help... well, sort of. Includes KandaxTyki, LenaleexAllen, and some KandaxLenalee
1. she loves me, she loves me not

a/n: Kukuku! Here I am again. This one is based vaguely on recent manga chapters, so watch out for them spoilers. Gah, this is probably hardcore OOC status, but I bet Kanda really is a hardcore emo boy on the inside. And Tyki likes it. snicker

So this story includes: KandaxTyki (Kyki?) LenaleexKanda, and AllenxLenalee, but only kindasortamaybe.

Disclaimer: I don't own thems!! D:

The sight disgusts him.

Her sobs are echoing as he turns away, black hair trailing.

_Allen, Allen! Oh Allen!_

Lenalee kneels by the fallen boy, white hair matted to his face, eyes closed, breath ragged. Though she's just experienced the destruction, and rebirth, of the life she's known, it's him she cries for. Not herself. Not the dead.

And not Kanda either.

His body is stiff and there's a pounding in his head he knows won't go away for awhile. The crowd parts for him to pass, most giving him only a weary glance, and never looking into his eyes.

The halls are cracked and empty, and he feels the exact same way as he opens the door to his rooms. He slips off his shoes silently, and the fuzzy carpet seems to cling to him, bringing him back down to earth.

The bathroom door is ajar, and he enters without turning on the lights. It's dark but not overly so, and it comforts him as he peels off his shirt and tosses it onto the tile. His tattoo is in full bloom, and tingles as he places his hand over it.

He looks up into the mirror, catching his own stony gaze.

How did things turn out like this? It feels like its all gone wrong. Of course, as a team, they've won every battle, climbed every obstacle to come out on top. And it would always make him forget, the battle he held onto inside.

His fingers tighten on the sink rim, and he grips his chest, as if in pain.

_She would always come to him, every time she was in trouble, every time she felt alone. He was the silent constant, the one she could rely on._

_Hadn't it always been, "Kanda, I'm scared.", "Kanda, I'm glad you're here."_

_And with her soft smiles, and trusting eyes. He was her protector; he was always there to rescue her, to hold her up when she fell._

But not anymore.

It's Allen who has taken his place.

It's Allen who she relies on, who she follows, who she cries out to when it seems there's no hope left.

But what has he done anyway!?

_Everything, and you have done nothing._

_Nothing,_

_Nothing,_

_Nothing._

"I'm not worthless." He says it aloud, and surprises himself. It doesn't even sound like his own voice, frail and vulnerable.

Since when did he need her attention to hold him up? Her _love_? Longer than he had expected, it seemed.

He smiles at this, a twisted smile, and something breaks inside, just a little bit. He lets out a hushed laugh, the kind that is full of despair and anger and should have been born as tears but came out like _this_ instead.

"You _are_ worthless." His voice is sharp and cutting as he looks into his own eyes.

_You have made yourself worthless because of her._

He breathes slowly, regaining himself. There are other things he must do, instead of wallowing in his self-contempt.

Kanda has always taken care of things. And _this_ _would_ be taken care of. Let them have each other if they wanted, it mattered not to him. Not anymore.

He accepts this answer for now, and retreats back into his bedroom, away from the glassy mirror. He eyes his bed for a moment, and wonders if they'll miss him in the hospital ward. He shrugs, it means little.

He lets his hair out, and deliberately folds back the sheets. He lies down and closes his eyes. Sleep comes easily for his tired body, and it is calm and black, just the way he likes it.


	2. dark waters

Only a week has passed.

Everything's fine, everything's _okay_. That's how they play it.

If it wasn't for the collapsed roofs and coffins being tended by those nearly needing a coffin themselves, he could almost believe in their illusion.

He stands hidden in a far doorway, watching the death rituals. Crying, crying, crying. It really does get to him, you know? The pathetic displays of emotion, ruining his breathing air with pure angstygen.

The dead are gone, their lives have been completed. A very river of tears will do no good.

Kanda moves to leave, get out of the place. As he turns, he notices the two of them, standing side by side. The boy's bandaged up, leaning on her for support. Her smile is sad, but comforting to everyone who looks to her face. He should be there with them, but he gives not a backward glance and moves through the (still) cracked and empty halls. A specter like all the rest.

The outside air is fresh and clean and warm. His black turtle neck is beginning to feel constrictive as he rolls up the sleeves to his pale elbows.

It's probably somewhere near midnight as the moon hangs its lemon pie smile up with the crumbs of lemon stars left over from the desert of the day.

The wind makes a friendly fuss of his black tresses, puffing his long bangs around his shoulders.

It's dangerous for someone like him to be out. An exorcist with no innocence. He shrugs any reservations away. He doesn't have reservations. Not anymore.

The city is deserted for the most part, sometimes a passing ghost face makes an appearance in a high window, and a ways off, classical music echoes away into the night; a party is being held somewhere.

The street he's walking on comes to an end and is met by a small river with a well built, old footbridge straddling its banks.

The bridge is welcoming, and he runs his hand over the smooth guard rail, worn from many years of use. He stands and rests his forearms against the wood, gazing into the water below.

Where did this river go? To the sea of course. All rivers flow to the sea. Where they mix and mingle with all sorts of other rivers, and lakes, and rains, from anywhere that could ever exist. They say that the earth's had the same water since the beginning of time. It just recycles itself over and over. So the same water that ran below his feet ran below the feet of a caveman, a dinosaur, an ugly little lizard-fish. It just went on forever, and would keep going on till people had vanished, and past that still.

Kanda closed his eyes, leaning into the rail, enjoying the solitude, the feeling of removing himself from where he was and looking at it from above. It wasn't so big, his world. It seemed insignificant, replaceable…

_I'm not worthless._

Those words?

"Enjoying yourself, exorcist?"

Those words! His eyes flashed open, taken by surprise. Had he let his guard down that much? He snapped his head to the side, to confront the one who had caught him so cleverly.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" the voice like dark chocolate, and he knew who it was.

Tyki Mikk stood not three feet away from him, finely dressed, with his hair tied and hanging down his back. Kanda wondered why it was that way, or better yet-

"You're dead." Kanda stated, flat and cold.

"Apparently not." Tyki returned with a cheeky smile.

"You should be."

"So should you." The Noah says this with an edge to his voice, eyes glinting in the flickering street lights.

"It's strange, isn't it?" in a sudden change of motion, Tyki moves to stand beside the exorcist, elbow on the railing, head resting on his hand.

Kanda remains silent, slowly turning his eyes back to the view before him.

"We're enemies, but we all enjoy the same things in life." Tyki's eyes moved reminiscently to the sky. The wind caressed their skin, and the music finally faded into the night.

"Aren't you going to kill me?"

"No." the answer had Kanda's eyes open a bit wider, his hands tightening on the railing.

"You're simply too worthless as you are now." Tyki glanced at him from the corner of his eye, gauging his reaction.

Kanda's face darkened, and he looked away, to the ground. They're enemies aren't they? Fierce enemies, but Kanda doesn't _care_ anymore. He doesn't care that he's showing his weakness, that his innocence is _broken_; doesn't care about all the things Tyki Mikk's done to the people he's supposed to care about. His heart is just so full of _anger_ and _hate_, and he's been holding it in for _so long_.

The fist seems to come out of nowhere, because it does, hitting Tyki straight in the mouth, knocking him off balance. The attack is too violent, too surprising, so that he finds himself thrown on his back on the bridge with Kanda's hands entangled in his collar, choking him slowly.

"Bastard." The insult comes through clenched teeth, growled from the boy pinning him.

Tyki can taste blood, and his lip twitches, anger coursing in his veins, the urge to kill. His hands dart up, catching the long black hair and pulling it away. Kanda hisses in pain and they struggle, rolling off the bridge into the shallow water below.

Kanda can't breath, water rushing into his lungs. The stream's barely two feet deep, but that's more than enough for Tyki to drown someone in.

Just when he thinks he won't make it another second, he's pulled to the surface, Tyki's drenched gloved hands grasping his shirt.

"And here I was even being friendly." He speaks with a red smile, and Kanda wonders why he's taking his time.

"Tell me, _love_, what's your pleasure tonight?" the question demands a response, emphasized by another quick drowning and resurrection.

Kanda's hands clutch at Tyki's sopping sleeves as he coughs water, feeling dark and cold.

"You."

The word is gasping and garbled, and Tyki wonders if he's hearing right.

"Me?" he's amused now, and halts his administrations for the moment.

"Kill me."

The Noah bursts out laughing, "Tell me why." He answers softly, watching intently.

"You have all the reasons you need already." Kanda's been on his knees, and his head shifts to one side, battered, but his eyes are calm and clear. And _desiring_, urging Tyki on.

A thrilling fire runs through Tyki's veins; when was the last time someone looked at him _like that_? So eager, so needy.

He drops the exorcist into the water, where he goes down for a moment, surprised. He pulls himself together, glaring upwards at the Noah between strands of long plastered black hair.

Tyki chuckles as he pulls his own wild curls back, to bad he's lost his tie. He leans towards the moon, hands on either side of his head, eyes closed, water dripping down his dark skin.

"I won't." he whispers, opening his eyes now and staring downwards, "I won't."

He bends down, brushing the pooling black hair out of the exorcist's face, trailing a tear's road down his cheek with a gloved thumb. "I, won't." and now it's spoken mockingly.

Kanda's view is encompassed by Tyki's smirking face, and he closes his eyes, as if denying him.

"You're so faithless." That gloved hand is trailing down his neck now.

"So cold…" over his shoulder.

"Pointless."

"Pitiful."

"Broken." Three fingers pressed against his heart, beating as dully and his mind is working.

_Not worthless._

_Not worthless._

_Not worthless._

**But I can't prove it.**

"Oh, my dear," comes the silky call in his ear, "My dear, my dear."

"My little paper doll, fell in the water and got torn."

Kanda's eyes tighten themselves up just a bit more.

"_Let me fix you."_

Kanda's heart seems to stop.

_No. No. No._

"_Let me put you back together."_

_No. No. No!_

His eyes open, and Tyki's own polished gaze greets him.

Tyki stands straight, and offers Kanda his hand.

_No. No…_

Kanda reaches out, and grabs hold of it tightly.

Tyki can't help but give a face cutting grin, and at this, Kanda feels something stitched back together inside. With sharp black wires and razor blades.

He felt better already.


	3. it's a nice shirt

a/n: Here's the final chapter for this story. It was supposed to be only the two, but TEVS. Tyki has gud clothes and feels that he must ruin everyone elses for his own pleasure, kukuku. Blatant Kyki!( I like that phrase now) Plx enjoy

The room smells like expensive cologne, and very faintly of cigarette smoke. Kanda cringes as he moves about softly, his body aches all over, even more so than after the battle with the level four.

The gray sateen sheets are smooth and cool against his bare skin, the pillow beneath his head swallows him in its softness. It's daytime, he can tell by the silhouette leaking behind his closed eyes, and he wonders vaguely what time it is.

"It's ten o clock." That voice speaks in a pleased way, from somewhere across the room.

Kanda sighs and cracks open his eyes, staring at the ceiling. He glances to the side and finds Tyki sitting in a plain looking chair, wearing nothing but black silk pants, an unlit cigarette placed between his lips. He catches the exorcist's gaze, and gives a lazy smirk, long black curls rolling over his shoulders.

"How are you?" the question's simple but it makes Kanda's face twist in disgust, and he turns over, showing his back to the Noah.

Tyki gives a 'Hn' of annoyance and he pads across the floor, climbing onto the bed. He runs a caramel hand down the exorcist's side and Kanda flinches with a grimace.

"Don't touch me."

"I'll touch you however I want." Tyki chuckles in his throat.

"You're thinking about your little friends, aren't you?" he sighs and brushes his fingers through the straight jet strands almost absentmindedly.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes"

"No, because they are not my friends." Kanda states blankly, as if it means nothing. Because he _wants_ it to mean nothing.

"Liar-" Tyki starts, but he notices the chill in Kanda's eyes and realizes he's not lying at all.

"Ah, well," Tyki wraps his arm around Kanda's exposed waist, nuzzling the crook of his neck, "they were once."

"Yes," Kanda speaks softly, staring emptily at the wall, "but things have changed."

He thinks of her face at this, the choppy hair and wide eyes.

_"Kanda, where have you been?"_ that's what she'll say when he returns, and he will say nothing, and everyone will give him those sideways, slightly fearful glances as he walks away. But she won't, she'll chase after him, give him some sort of empty encouraging remark as she stares at his back.

_"Is there something wrong?"_ Her face so hopeful…

He physically shakes his head, repulsed.

He turns into Tyki's hold, glaring at him; Tyki smirks, nipping at his lips.

Kanda grabs a fistful of ebon curls, pulling Tyki in till their foreheads are touching.

"I'm not weak." Kanda growls out.

"I never said you were."  
"Yes, you did." He speaks with finality, unblinking.

"Well, maybe I did," Tyki gives a compromising sigh, "but,"

"But?"

"You're the one who wanted to die." He breathes huskily as Kanda narrows his eyes and lets him go.

"I'm leaving." Kanda pushes Tyki away, getting out of bed, searching for his clothes.

"I bet you don't want to die anymore." Tyki sits cross-legged on the bed now, laughing as Kanda discovers the torn remnants of his underwear hanging from a light fixture.

"You're disgusting."

"And you like it." The hot golden gaze follows Kanda as he moves, finding his pants in wearable condition hiding under a coffee table.

He sighs and puts them on, still a little damp. He recovers his shirt, but it's torn and bloodstained and he discards it with a hateful glance thrown the Noah's way.

Tyki smiles, genuinely amused. "Here," he speaks with mock exasperation, and moves over to the closet, taking out a dark red long sleeved shirt.

He hands it to the exorcist who merely stares at it.

"I might enjoy you walking around naked, but I'm fairly sure the public won't." he runs his fingers along Kanda's jaw line as the other snorts and pulls the shirt over his head.

It's comfortable and fits well for being a bit big, clinging to his form. He's about to fix up his hair, but Tyki does it for him, dark hands running through dark hair.

"Che, is this what they call your 'white side'?" Kanda asks in sarcasm.

"Maybe," Tyki speaks coyly, moving in to kiss his throat, "or perhaps you just please me." He bites down roughly, marking skin as Kanda's eyes narrow at the unexpected pain.

The Noah leaves a lingering caress down Kanda's back as he exits.

They had been in a townhouse across the city from the old bridge, and Kanda walked down the stairs to the street.

He casts a quick look backwards as he walks, finding Tyki sitting in the window. He's wearing a loose silk shirt and smoking a cigarette, pretending not to watch as Kanda moves away. And Kanda pretends he doesn't care.

0o0

"Oi, Kanda, that's a real nice shirt." It's Lavi that greets him when he finally returns at noon.

"Komui's throwing everyone a party later." He says energetically.

"I'll pass."

"Are you-" the sentence is cut off as Kanda closes the door behind him and moves towards his rooms. The halls are bright and it seemed like someone had finally gotten around to cleaning them up.

He enters and locks the door tightly behind him. He peels off Tyki's shirt and his first reaction is to throw it out. It _is_ a nice shirt though, and still carries the fragrance of the room with it.

He makes a sound of disgust and tosses it onto his bed instead.

_Worthless bastard._ But this time the thought is directed at Tyki, and not himself.


End file.
